If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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