I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize