My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
