dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
