So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
