we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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