Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
