So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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