Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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