I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
