Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
