Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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