Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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