Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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