Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
