At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
