I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
