two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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