New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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