Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
