if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
