this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Im part way to drunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
