guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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