i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
