she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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