Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
