I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
