What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
