I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
as a side note pls kill me
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