First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
