she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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