bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
