I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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