Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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