You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
