All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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