so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
