if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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