She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
