And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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