What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
