I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
