Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Semen is not good for contacts.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
