Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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