I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
