I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
