I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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