she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
