He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
