Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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