Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
