I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
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it was like having sex with a tree stump
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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I still have a little drunk in my system
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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