I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
