Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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