Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
