I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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