I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
