five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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