All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
