I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
