so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
