I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
