can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
