So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
