haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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