so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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