The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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