I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
