dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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