That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
