Already got asked if we're dating
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
