I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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