omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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